CAN'T AFFORD THIS BROKEN HEART OF MINE........ - Day 9 / FPU

It's 9:56am.  I'm at the cardiologist's office, waiting to see the doctor.  I've been having some little heart problems, just off and on, for the last two years but now my symptoms are happening more often.  My referring physician, from yesterday afternoon's visit to an Urgent Care Center, prescribed nitroglycerin pills and wanted me to be admitted to the hospital right away.  I said no. 

 

Wanna know why I simply can't afford to have any medical issues going on right now?  Two reasons:   

• Financially it will really mess up my plan for my emergency fund PLUS I simply don't have the extra money to pay what my insurance won't cover. 
• On the emotional front I don't want to bother anyone.
• My stepfather is going through his third round of cancer and chemo.  My mother needs to be with him.  My sister is not able to leave her home because she recently had back and neck surgery. My daughter lives and works in Massachussetts and I don't want her to spend the money to come home.

Just got called in - gotta go.

It's 11:09 am.  I just left the Dr.'s office.  Dr. Parikh thinks I have a blockage somewhere in my heart.  I've been given permission to drive myself home to pack a bag then I'm going to be admitted to Wake Med Heart Center for heart catheterization.  I'm at the library, finishing this post before I go home to pack for a hopefully brief hospital stay.  Yeah, the library.  My computer blew up a while ago so I have to use public one's to post.

I'm scared.  I have no one to take me to the hospital or visit me while I'm there.  My dearest friend is on a well deserved vacation and the other woman to whom I was once so close has decided she doesn't need me for a friend anymore so support from her is no longer an option.  Time to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it.

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow I'll be posting my plan for paying for this UNPLANNED hospital visit.  I wish I could tell my heart "No!  Not now, not yet.  I don't have my emergency fund in place."

I can't afford to pay for this broken heart of mine.

 

Until next time....

Forgive me my moment of honesty here: 

“It's getting to the point where I am no fun anymore, I am sorry. / Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud, ' I am lonely.' / I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are, you make it hard.”

David Crosby